Thoughts to Jots

10 years ago, I watched 500 Days of Summer for the first time. I didn't like it then.  Today, it made me cry.  It happened when Tom had a pivotal moment in Summer’s apartment and he was convinced that she was finally tearing down her walls and letting him into her world. Warm, wetness rolled down my cheeks when I realised that Tom is me. Like Tom, I've let people in, built castles and expectations around their existence in my life so big and high that I ignored all the obvious signs - signs of them not wanting to be in a relationship, of them not being ready, and of their circumstances causing them to not be ready.  I've led myself on. But when a relationship/friendship (God, I don't even know what you can call it) gets this messy, it's hard to put a finger on who's right or wrong. Tom was searching for someone or something to make him happy, and in this case a relationship, which he thought he found in Summer, while Summer was not looking for ...

My slumbers at night were usually accompanied by dreams, some more vivid than others. Here are 3 of the more memorable ones throughout my years of dreaming. 1. The Deed I Did not Commit – 15 January 2019 A lady stood before me. She appeared to be pestering a group of us, almost begging, about something. To my horror, blocks of coagulated blood started to fall out of her mouth as she pleaded. “It’s this medical condition I have,” she said.                                                                                ----- I was seated at the back seat of a car. A rather big man was taking us somewhere and as we crossed a bridge over a river, we saw the same lady sitting over at the edge. The big man stopped the car, got down, pushed her over and sped off while the rest of us w...

She sat on her bed, clutching her knees tightly to her chest as she stared down at her crooked toes. In that atmosphere of silence, she could almost hear him breathe. In, out, in, out , as his shoulders heaved to the rhythm.  "I'm sorry." She murmured as she looked up, trying to meet his eyes.  "Don't be," he replied. Tears welled up in her eyes as she poured her heart out; about her guilt and shame for what happened, about how hard it was for her to worship God in spirit and in truth, about how it made her feel to see him feel bad.  "It's unfortunate that something so right can be so wrong," she said. "But it is what is is, and we can't let it go on."  Before they knew it, they found themselves in each others arms, locked in a tight embrace. The kind that got them started in the first place. They sat there unmoved for what seemed like ages. Neither of them showed signs of pulling back, but in that moment, she...

So this morning, I was just sitting at my usual corner in the library studying for a crucial subject that's coming up in the next two days. Just 15 minutes into the first few paragraphs of my study material, my fingers started to dart towards my phone, checking for notifications which inevitably, led to a whole 30-minute session of idle scrolling on Facebook. It wasn't until noon I realised how much time I've wasted rereading the first 3 pages of a 29-page article. Just when I made up my mind sternly that I had to focus and get it all done, a guy pulled out the empty chair next to me, sat down and began to lay out his notes and laptop. Great , I thought to myself. I was never one to like having people around me when I get into the study mode. To make matters worse, he sat at the edge of his table which was where I've nested comfortably for the past few hours. Couldn't he just sit towards the middle?  I moved my position away from him as I began to read page...

1. "Well... Look at it this way, you lived in a house for 20 years and now you are doing some renovation. The renovation process is a messy troublesome one but you know for a fact at the end of it all, the house will look so much better" - JD 2. "Take pains. Be perfect." - William Shakespeare 3. "Close your mouth when you chew, Girl." - Dad 4. "Desperation is not a good colour on you." - Unknown 5. "It is not about your worth. It is about your birth." - Pr Palan 6. "Just ride the wave and see where you end up." - JD 7. "Just get both. There's no way you can get 2 pints of Ben&Jerry's in Malaysia for 5 quid." - Wendy 8. "I love u dearly. Please go buy the waterproof shoe n thick jacket b4 u go Edinburgh." - Mum 9. " Mou kam fai wan boyfriend . Duk sai shu sin. Translation: :"Don't get a boyfriend yet. Complete your studies first." - Popo ...